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by Greg Williamson (c) 2002, 2008

COPYRIGHT RELATED INFO

UNLESS OTHERWISE NOTED, ALL SCRIPTURE QUOTATIONS

ARE FROM THE New Living Translation.

By definition, a "divorce" is "the action or an instance of legally dissolving a marriage." [REF] The richly poetic language of the OT, however, presents a more vivid picture. To divorce (Hebrew shalach) is to "send," "send away," or "let go." [REF] At times God is the initiator, and for him divorce means that he "removes his protective hand and unleashes various hostile forces." [REF] In like manner, the man who divorces his wife places her outside his loving protection, leaving her vulnerable to many and various hardships. The other OT word for divorce, found in the phrase "certificate of divorce," comes from a word (Hebrew karath) that means "to cut," "cut off," "cut down." [REF] [REF] And so, literally speaking, to divorce is to experience amputation. [REF] Contrary to the sexual revolution, the women's liberation movement, and the philosophy of many secular universities, [REF] divorce has long-lasting and very painful consequences. Those going through a divorce can expect to experience "guilt, anger, resentment, fear, disappointment, loneliness, confusion, lowered self-esteem, insecurity, a sense of rejection, and the haunting concern about who was at fault." [REF] It is no wonder God said he hates divorce (MALACHI 2:16).

The Bible's low regard for divorce is directly attributable to its high regard for marriage. God created and united the first human pair, Adam and Eve. Together they were called to enjoy and care for one another, their children, and the world God had given them. The first marriage ceremony was simple yet profound, as Adam awoke to find one like him but different from him -- his soulmate. God designed marriage to be a lifelong union -- a fact reflected in the imagery of leaving one's parents and cleaving to one's spouse in order to become "one flesh" (GENESIS 2:24). The one-flesh union, in turn, is intended to provide a life-long intimacy and complementary nature that reflects the covenant relationship enjoyed by the triune God. [REF] Sadly, sin marred the picture forever, driving a wedge between the first couple and their God. Along with selfishness, pride, and an unforgiving spirit, divorce soon made its ugly entrance into the world.

In the NT we see a similar high regard for marriage and corresponding low regard for divorce. In both the Old and New Testaments, marriage is used as a metaphor for the relationship between God and his people. Jesus taught that marriage is a monogamous, lifelong commitment that results in the spiritual oneness of a man and a woman, [REF] and that the only legitimate grounds for ending a marriage is adultery (MATTHEW 5:32; 19:9). Which was a far cry from the secular society of his day. Although virtually all societies allowed and fully expected divorce in the case of adultery, the Greco-Roman laws made divorce easy and convenient, requiring only "a simple oral or written notification," [REF] and allowing divorce on the mere grounds that both parties no longer wished to remain married. [REF] Among the Jewish religious elite divorce was a hot button topic, with two opposing schools of thought: 1) adultery is the only legitimate grounds for divorce, or 2) a man may divorce his wife for virtually any reason, including burning his dinner. [REF] Advocates of both views claimed support from Deuteronomy 24:1–4:

There are several interesting and informative points to be made concerning this passage of Scripture.

1. Moses was seeking not to establish grounds for divorce but rather to regulate an already existing practice. [REF]

2. The law was meant to protect the divorced woman by providing her with a certificate proving she was no longer married and hence free to remarry. [REF] [REF] [REF]

3. Although we may not know the precise reasoning behind why the twice-divorced woman could not return to her first husband, we do know that it would have provided at least two deterrents: 1) it would have helped to deter a husband from hastily or rashly sending his wife away, and 2) it would have helped to prevent a wife's scheming against her second husband in order to go back to her first. [REF]

4. It should also be noted that in practice divorce must have been rare if for no other reason than the financial consequences. While typically only men could divorce their wives and not vice versa, divorce for anything short of serious sexual misconduct on the part of the wife carried with it an obligation for the husband to return the dowry. "This was the bride's wedding present from her father ... The dowry was given jointly to the bride and groom, but as long as the marriage remained intact, he had the use of it. However, on divorce he had to give the dowry in full to his wife and often make other larger payments as well." [REF]

Contemporary Christian views regarding divorce typically fall into one of four categories: 1) A person may divorce on the grounds of adultery but cannot remarry. 2) A person may divorce and remarry on the grounds of adultery or desertion. 2) A person may divorce if the marriage is unlawful. 4) Divorce is not allowed, even on the grounds of adultery. [REF] A review of all the pertinent Scripture references, and particularly those found in the NT (MATTHEW 5:31–32; 19:3–9; MARK 10:2–12; LUKE 16:18; 1 CORINTHIANS 7:10–16), indicates that divorce is allowed -- but never commanded -- in the case of adultery or desertion. In general, it is expected that a Christian marriage will remain intact as the couple works together to overcome inevitable day to day difficulties. In extreme cases separation, not divorce, may become necessary -- with the expectation that the couple will be reconciled to one another. Where sin has occurred, forgiveness, not divorce, is to be the watchword. Where there is repeated, ongoing sexual misconduct, [REF] however, the offended party is under no obligation to remain in the marriage. Indeed, in such cases the marriage bond has already been broken; divorce then becomes simply a formalization of what has already taken place. [REF] In the case of a non-Christian spouse who deserts their Christian partner, the latter is free to divorce and remarry. 

How should we treat people who have been divorced? The same way God does: by offering forgiveness and healing. Specifically, the church should be a haven for those seeking to put their lives back together following a divorce. There are any number of practical things the church can do, such as offering help with transportation; baby-sitting; counseling; and mentoring. We as individuals can offer a listening ear, as well as point the divorced person toward God as the only one who can guide them safely through this turbulent time. [REF] [REF]

The Bible consistently presents children as a blessing from God. Having been given the awesome power of procreation, the soon-to-be-first-parents Adam and Eve were told to "[m]ultiply and fill the earth" (GENESIS 1:28). Later God miraculously made parents of Abraham and Sarah, with their son, Isaac, forming the nucleus of an entire nation set apart to God. Since the responsibility for keeping the covenant with God would fall on the shoulders of their children, Israelite parents took very seriously their commission to raise their children to love, serve, and obey the Lord. As reflected in the nation's laws, failure to do so could have disastrous consequences.

"Suppose a man has a stubborn, rebellious son who will not obey his father or mother, even though they discipline him. In such cases, the father and mother must take the son before the leaders of the town. They must declare: 'this son of ours is stubborn and rebellious and refuses to obey. He is a worthless drunkard.' Then all the men of the town must stone him to death. In this way, you will cleanse this evil from among you, and all Israel will hear about it and be afraid" (DEUTERONOMY 21:18–21).

As one source notes, this regulation was addressed to both parents and (adult) children. "Every Hebrew couple who gave birth to a child would at some time look down at that precious little life and realize, if we don’t teach this child faith and obedience, it could cost him his life. In other words, the warning of Deuteronomy 21 was given as much for the parents of infants as it was for adult children in rebellion." [REF] This accords with Israel's emphasis on the family and the clan, which made individuals subordinate to the group. Thus there was no such thing as an isolated act of wrongdoing -- any and every sin immediately impacted one's family and/or brought judgment on future generations. [REF]

In the Jewish home parents had the primary responsibility for "train[ing] up a child in the way he should go" (PROVERBS 22:6, NASB). Because children were considered a blessing from God and the means by which the "holy race" was perpetuated, infanticide, abortion, and birth control were not tolerated. [REF] In fact, there was a type of double-dependency as children depended on their parents while they were young, and aging parents became dependent on their now grown children. [REF] Typically boys were educated in the Law and fathers taught their sons the family trade, while mothers prepared girls for marriage by teaching them domestic skills such as cooking, cleaning, and sewing. Marriage was obligatory, and it marked the end of childhood. Marriages were arranged early, and generally speaking girls married in their mid-teens, while boys married in their late-teens. [REF]

This is in stark contrast to the Greco-Roman world at large, in which "many newborns never survived the first week, less than half survived to their fifth year, and only 40 percent lived to their twentieth birthday." [REF] A child's first major hurdle came immediately following birth, when he or she was placed on the ground for the father's inspection. Picking up the child meant that the child was to be accepted into the family. Leaving the child on the ground -- either because it was deformed, a girl, or an unwanted addition -- meant the child was to be exposed. "Exposure was the practice of leaving an unwanted child at a site, usually a garbage dump or dung heap, where the child either died or was taken by a stranger to be raised, usually as a slave." [REF] Exposed baby girls were often plucked up and raised as prostitutes, and "infants could be sold into prostitution." [REF] (Prostitution was a legal industry from which the Roman government "received substantial tax revenues." [REF])

Jesus never married and therefore never had children of his own. He did, however, welcome children and even went so far as to say that they possessed the qualities necessary to enter into God's kingdom. Exactly what qualities did Jesus have in mind? While answers to that question vary, common responses include: acceptance, dependence, humility, obedience, receptivity, simplicity, and trust. [REF] [REF] [REF] [REF]

For the first disciples, "the stories and sayings about children" helped them to better understand what it meant to follow Jesus in the context of the new faith-based community. [REF] Of the four gospel writers, John in particular sheds the most light on what it means to be a child of God:

• God is the head or source of our new life in Christ.

• To be God's child is to no longer a child of the Devil.

• Salvation is universal in that it is given to everyone who is born again.

• As God's Son, Jesus mediates our new relationship with our heavenly Father, and that relationship depends a great deal on the degree to which we obey the Son.

• As children of God, we are to love one another. [REF]

TO MARK 10 >>

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